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Sep. 26th, 2008

(no subject)

I have many things to do tomorrow. I am excited - I went food shopping and bought nice healthy food and no chocolate or junk. I am going on hiatus from alcohol for a month starting tomorrow, I wonder how it will turn out?

Sep. 3rd, 2008

Change in the plan.

I made a new livejournal - I've had this one for way too long - it goes right back to just after I left Dave, over 4 years ago now. I feel like I've outgrown the name - I don't even like it anymore, typing it to log in just pisses me off. The new one is ohdarlinglove - go add me!

May. 27th, 2008

XVII : Pablo Neruda.

 I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way.

thank this: where I does not exit, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Made me cry in a computer room on campus surrounded by people. Love should be more simple. I wish I could only love one person at a time.

May. 10th, 2008


-Drinking 20 bottles of beer tonight.
-Sun and sand.
-Did I mention happy?

Apr. 24th, 2008

On being transformed...

- I will get back on the diet, for real, no dairy, no wheat (except cous cous), no tea/coffee, no potatoes.
- I will go swimming or to the gym twice a week, and stop taking the bus up the hill.
- I will stop procrastinating and get a job/do uni work/start my reading list for the summer.

Apr. 6th, 2008

(no subject)

Urgh. I will be thin, I will be pretty, I will have self confidence, I will be a better person. Hungover and misanthropic right now, I start work at 7am tomorrow and life as an organised, dieting adult starts again. I'm getting too old for this.

Jan. 14th, 2008

I don't have a place

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be

Newton Faulkner - Dream Catch Me

Jan. 1st, 2008

resolutions :-)

-lose weight. not to what i was when i started uni, but so i can fit into a size 14 again. this means
     a) gym x 3 per week.
     b) eat healthily. thinking about going vegetarian.
-try to be happy. go to conselling, go on antidepressants, do what it takes to make myself healthy in mind as well as in body.
-get a first at the end of 2nd year.
-start to save money for after uni.
-get another job that i enjoy. (bar work most probably).
-work on my relationships with people - make new friends, solidify my relationship with olle, make my relation ship with my mother better.
-keep a list of all the books i read over the year :-)


Dec. 12th, 2007

(no subject)

ugh. i have three essays due in on friday. i have finnished none of them so i am staying up in the computer rooms all night to finnish them. i want to relax tomorrow, pack, clean up so that ollie has a nice house to come back to on the 18th, buy him a little something to make him smile, and put apple crumble in the freezer for him. i'm a good little housewife. i don't actually have that much to do - 500 words on poetry left, 2000 words on a short story (which is the one that i've been putting off and putting off cos i'm scared of it), and i have to finnish my history essay which is already over the word count and i have so much left to write. i should never be allowed to write on the subject of women, or feminism, or anything to do with women really - i love it and could go on for page after page! so not too much. hopfully i will do the english lit stuff tonight, and finnish the history one tomorrow. 2500 words in an evening - can i do it? 
i guess we shall see :-)

Nov. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

life is slowly getting better, i can't wait for xmas, i need the break. i currently have about £35 to my name, have 5500 words due in on eth 14th dec. counselling is doing a lot to help me. its so strange that talking for an hour a week to a man named jonah makes me feel so much better about everything. 

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